im changing. have been changing and have changed, and i've noticed this is something i've grown obsessed with. change. why am i changing? how can i stop changing? i don't want the title of "sasha's all about her boyfriend." because that is not true. yes im always with him, because when im not im alone, and i like spending my time with him, i love it. but no one is hitting me up to chill or speak or do anything. last night i was with my friends, and things didnt feel right, idk, i felt alone, you ever felt like that?.. be with your friends but feel alone, well thats what i felt.
i feel like something is wrong with me, like i cant stop who i am becoming, and maybe i dont need to stop, but everyone is so scared of change, no one likes change, or how to handle it. damned if you do, damned if you don't right? so what am i supposed to do?
im lookin up shit like extroversion vs. introversion, to see if im more of an introvert than extrovert and i am. and i guess i always been half and half but now a days im more of an introvert. thats a change. and thats something people arent used to. i dont get as rowdy at places anymore. i dont know why, its not because of my boyfriend. i feel like everything i do ppl are always thinking "its because of el" like no. thats not why. fuck you. its called motherfucking change. i feel like screaming, "if you dont like it then dont talk to me!" i cant stop who i am becoming because people dont like it. i cant change who im changing into, its just happening this way.
i know i'm not around as much, but WHERE ARE YOU?! i hate it when i feel like people make me feel like im the one thats not making enough effort, or like i dont call, or txt, or try to chill... but in all honesty, it's happening both ways. when was the last time you asked me to chill? or hit me up to talk?... idk i guess im just being paranoid about shit and over thinking things, but im sick and tired of feeling like this. but this is something thats goin on within myself. im changing and i, myself am not used to it. and i dont know how to adjust, i dont know if im normal. i know that i am the same in many ways, just i guess my actions and social life has changed. i still believe and value the same things as well as have the same intrests, i just dont know if i'll still have myself when i have changed. i dont know if i will have friends when its all said and done. i think im becoming into a person that no one wants to be around, and i cant stop it. i dont know how. i'm sorry.
i feel like something is wrong with me, like i cant stop who i am becoming, and maybe i dont need to stop, but everyone is so scared of change, no one likes change, or how to handle it. damned if you do, damned if you don't right? so what am i supposed to do?
im lookin up shit like extroversion vs. introversion, to see if im more of an introvert than extrovert and i am. and i guess i always been half and half but now a days im more of an introvert. thats a change. and thats something people arent used to. i dont get as rowdy at places anymore. i dont know why, its not because of my boyfriend. i feel like everything i do ppl are always thinking "its because of el" like no. thats not why. fuck you. its called motherfucking change. i feel like screaming, "if you dont like it then dont talk to me!" i cant stop who i am becoming because people dont like it. i cant change who im changing into, its just happening this way.
i know i'm not around as much, but WHERE ARE YOU?! i hate it when i feel like people make me feel like im the one thats not making enough effort, or like i dont call, or txt, or try to chill... but in all honesty, it's happening both ways. when was the last time you asked me to chill? or hit me up to talk?... idk i guess im just being paranoid about shit and over thinking things, but im sick and tired of feeling like this. but this is something thats goin on within myself. im changing and i, myself am not used to it. and i dont know how to adjust, i dont know if im normal. i know that i am the same in many ways, just i guess my actions and social life has changed. i still believe and value the same things as well as have the same intrests, i just dont know if i'll still have myself when i have changed. i dont know if i will have friends when its all said and done. i think im becoming into a person that no one wants to be around, and i cant stop it. i dont know how. i'm sorry.
"Change; we don’t like it, we fear it, but we can’t stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying. But here’s the truth…the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Sometimes, change is…everything."--Meredith Grey (Grey’s Anatomy)
i feel you on this
ReplyDelete